I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
