exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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