Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
