I'm gonna have a badass scar
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
