just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
