I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
God, I missed his penis.
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