I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
