the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And my parents said I crawled through the house
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
