To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
