Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
