About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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