..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He passed out mid-signature
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
