so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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