Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
