Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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