I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
