Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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