well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
