He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
