Four minutes until I can fart!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
