My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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