Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
