Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
