I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
