Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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