i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
two words: eviction party
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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