You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
