Please, let me fuck your mom
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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