There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
