So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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