college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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