He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
