i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
only you would photoshop your dick
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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