HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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