She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
