so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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