and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
