they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
