My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
