Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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