i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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