he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you win again, gameday.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
