I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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