Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
