I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
