dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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