found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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