dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
