I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
