I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
