Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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