you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
