I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
